What's your pandemic persona?

What’s your pandemic persona? Forget ‘sufferers’ and ‘accepters’. The real question is whether you’re a Doorstep Detective, a Bubble Burster or a Quarantini Queen

  • King’s College London claim there are three types of people amid the pandemic 
  • Researchers state 48 per cent of Brits are ‘accepters’, calmly getting on with life
  • Katherine Spenley revealed a selection of other pandemic personality types 

As lockdown trundles on, we are all learning a lot more about ourselves — and so, it seems, are the experts.

This week, researchers at King’s College London revealed that in the current crisis we have fallen into one of three types, namely the ‘accepter’, the ‘sufferer’ and the ‘resister’.

While most Brits — an unflappable 48 per cent — were deemed to be ‘accepters’, calmly getting on with life and accepting their lot, 44 per cent of us were found to be ‘sufferers’.

Women made up two-thirds of this second group — which will surprise no woman who is working from home while also supervising schoolwork, staking out supermarket delivery slots and wielding a duster like a whirling dervish.

Katherine Spenley explores the different personalities that have emerged during the pandemic, such as FaceTime Fashionistas (file image)

The remaining 8 per cent were deemed ‘resisters’, a bolshy lot who think we are all making far too much fuss.

But life in lockdown has brought out more than three different tribes. There are, in fact, a range of Pandemic Personality types.

So, from the Pandemic Prepper to the Bubble Burster, how many have you met? And could one of them be you?

FaceTime Fashionistas

We all know a woman like this — the perfectly blow-dried, perfectly contoured type who wouldn’t dream of taking a video call without proper lighting, a filter and a zingy lemon blouse.

Surely one of the most wearying aspects of lockdown is that video technology has prompted previously normal women to adopt newsreader levels of lipstick and the kind of jazzy prints rarely seen outside Strictly.

And it’s not just women who are keen to look good on camera. The designer Tom Ford suggests we all put a white tablecloth or piece of paper on the table to provide flattering light reflection.

FaceTime Fashionistas are also guilty of obsessively curating their video call backgrounds to add serious books, some houseplants and a yoga mat to the back of their shot (as opposed to a clothes-horse full of drying knickers and a family-size pack of Quavers). They are probably friends with the…

Extrovert Exercisers

Katherine describes people who’ve been working out at the park during the pandemic as Exhibitionist Exercisers (file image)

A curious species who appear to live in the park, in that they are always there. Every. Single. Time.

You may be worried about dodging runners and cyclists on your daily permitted exercise walk, but you don’t need to fret about the Exhibitionist Exercisers — you can’t miss them, they make sure of that.

They’re all abs, crop tops and Lululemon leggings, Living Their Best Lives In Lockdown as they stretch ostentatiously, then Downward Dog right next to the path and plank for hours.

When not working out for the crowd, they are on Instagram, posting pictures of their lunges. They are admired and loathed in equal measure by the…

Stockpile Snackers

Katherine said Stockpile Snackers are those who are battling working-from-home weight gain, after accidentally eating all the chocolate  (file image)

They have accidentally eaten all the chocolate, baked all the banana bread and got stuck into the sourdough before ‘supporting the local economy’ with a takeaway every night.

They are consequently battling working-from-home weight gain, and panicking that lockdown will be lifted before they have a chance to lose it.

They are to be found in front of the nation’s new PE teacher, Joe Wicks, every morning (watching from the sofa but exercise works by osmosis, right?) and lumbering around the park trying to follow the Couch-to-5k running regimen (they are on Day Three of the programme and have been for the past three weeks).

They all hope there’s no school gate to brave until September, when it’s time to face the…

Quarantini Queens

Katherine revealed a Quarantini Queen Bee issues the Zoom invitations (file image)

Heralding a whole new way to be a social outcast, the video chat app Houseparty has a lot to answer for. It starts with a cheery little emoji notification: ‘Queen Bee is in the house.’

Which means there’s a Houseparty happening! With Queen Bee and all her cool friends!

Maybe you could just rock up with some wine or a ‘quarantini’ — really just a martini: the Queen Bee’s must-have lockdown cocktail — and join in.

Just give them a quick ‘wave’ and . . . no response. Hit ‘wave’ again . . . tumbleweed. They are in a ‘locked room’ and you are not allowed in. The shame!

Almost as bad is Google Hangouts, which, when you try to join a group, issues the cheery message: ‘You’ll join the call when someone lets you in.’

Oh, to be a Quarantini Queen Bee — the one who issues the Zoom invitations, sends out the passwords and unlocks the doors to social nirvana. We have all been transported back to fifth form and the horrors of being picked last by the…

Bubble Bursters

Katherine questions how many people are there who you would risk your life to see, as speculations of being able to gather in ‘bubbles’ circulates (file image)

With speculation that Britons could soon be allowed to gather in ‘bubbles’ of up to ten people, surely it’s only the Quarantini Queens who aren’t quaking at the thought of not making it into the in-crowd’s Perfect Ten.

Ten people per social bubble may not sound especially generous, but how many people are there who like you enough to risk their life for the sake of a tin of gin in the garden?

Let’s say you want to take your parents out of the equation, on the grounds of liking them too much to want to risk killing them. Well, that’s two gone already — four, with the in-laws.

And what about those you put on your list who haven’t returned the favour because they have more important friends? See? School parties all over again.

Far easier to stick to Zoomtinis for the foreseeable. Because while we all long to see each other again, we’re also still worried. But maybe not as much as the…

Pandemic Preppers

These are the kind of women who not only thought ahead to buy flour and yeast when the rest of us were happily browsing perishables (who doesn’t need M&S Rainbow Layers cake in lockdown?), but are already making colour-coded lists of what to stockpile for the second wave of the virus. Utterly bonkers, but not as bad as the…

Katherine describes Doorstep Detectives as people who post rants about their neighbours and are seen wiping communal areas (file image) 

Doorstep Detectives

If you live in a block of flats you will see them in a pinny, wiping down door handles, Cifing the lift and bleaching the porch as cover for beady-eyeing everyone, then posting rants on the Nextdoor neighbourhood app about ‘covidiots’.

They also disapprove if you don’t produce a full percussion kit of pots and pans for the Thursday night Thank You clap for the NHS and may also be the…

Trolley Twitchers

Remember the Northamptonshire police chief who said he might start inspecting our baskets? Well, there was never any need for that because there’s always a fellow shopper with a beady eye on the contents of your trolley, ready to tut at your ‘essentials’: tiramisu, tuna mayo sandwich and a packet of Magnums.

Maybe not strictly essential for everyone’s survival, but whatever gets you through.

Source: Read Full Article