Six phrases you can use instead of just ghosting someone

Let’s be frank: ghosting is hardly the most courageous of moves.

Though ghosting is easy to do, that doesn’t make it right.

While perfectly fine to want to end a romantic connection of any length of time, how we leave people matters.

But of course, it can be awkward and uncomfortable to say we don’t want to keep seeing someone and why that is – whether it be due to something they’ve done, or a more personal issue.

There are plenty of reasons why you might to choose to end something, such as you’re getting red flags, want to move forward with someone else, or have decided you’re not ready for commitment.

To make the experience less painful, dating expert Charly Lester and app Inner Circle created six ‘copy and paste phrases’ you can send to someone in common situations instead of ghosting them. 

Go on, you know they deserve a quick text.

 Their chat is dead  

‘If you’re not finding someone’s chat on an app very interesting, take a moment to remember that some people are very different over text message to IRL, and not everyone enjoys long text chats,’ says Charly.

‘That said, if you’re really not enjoying their vibe over text, you can copy and paste this, and not feel guilty about ending the conversation:

‘It’s been interesting to get to know you. I don’t think our communication styles are a good match, but I hope you meet someone great on here.’   

You went on a first date, but it just didn’t cut it  

‘Things are always simpler when someone draws a clear line in the sand, so don’t be afraid to be upfront in this situation,’ Charly advises.

It’s better to not waste time.

‘In reality, if you were planning on ghosting this person, then you don’t even want them in your life as a friend, so be polite, but also clear and not over-enthusiastic,’ she says.

‘Thanks for last night, it was refreshing to meet someone IRL again. Being honest, I don’t see a future for us, but I hope you meet someone great.’   

You’re getting red flags

Feeling brave?

‘This is an interesting one, because depending on how confident you are, you might want to call the other person out on their red flag activity.  

‘This can, however, then lead to an awkward back and forth debate, which no one wants or needs, so you can see why people end up just going silent,’ Charly says.

To diplomatically end things, try: ‘Thanks for chatting to me, I don’t think we’d be a good fit, but best of luck here.’

‘If the red flags are clear and severe, I would suggest reporting their behaviour to the app and also blocking them, so that another dater doesn’t face the same issue,’ adds Charly.

You’re not ready to date, but you don’t want to admit it to yourself  

‘In order to reply to this one, you are going to have to start by being honest with yourself.  The nicest way to let someone down is by being totally honest with them,’ Charly says.    

‘I’m sorry, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but the more time we’ve spent together, the more it’s made me realise I’m not ready to start something new with someone.’  

They’re moving too quick, you’ve got the ‘ick’  

The ick is when you go off someone in a way that leaves you feeling a bit grossed out by them.

‘Nine times out of ten, the answer in dating is honesty. The clearer you are about your feelings, the less room you leave for ambiguity,’ Charly notes.

‘And so if someone is moving too quickly, let them know – sooner rather than later.’

‘I’m sorry, this has all moved a bit quickly for me.   I need some time to take a step back and work out what I want.’  

You’ve started dating someone else and they’ve got the edge  

‘This situation happens a lot in modern dating,’ explains Charly. ’Until you’ve had a conversation about exclusivity, you can never expect to be the only person that someone is seeing, and vice versa. 

‘However, once you have worked out that there is a clear front-runner, it’s only polite to let the other people know.’

‘Hi X, as you know I’ve also been seeing other people, and last night Y and I decided to date exclusively.  I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you over the last few weeks and I hope you find someone amazing.’  

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