DEAR DEIDRE: JUST after I found out I was pregnant with our first child, my husband cheated on me with a man.
He is 39 and I’m 35. We’ve always longed for a baby but I began to think it would never happen.
So when I learned I was expecting, I couldn’t wait to tell my family and friends.
My husband came in from work a week ago looking dreadful. I thought somebody had died but he told me to sit down. He said he’d cheated on me and he was so, so sorry.
I thought it was some girl at work but he went on to explain it was a gay guy from our village. They are friends. He said it happened when we’d had an argument about whether I could give up work for good, and he stormed out.
He met this friend in the local, drowned his sorrows and then they went back to his place and had sex.
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I knew my husband had been with men before but I thought that was in the past. He always said his gay flings were simply a bit of curiosity.
I was devastated. He got on his knees and told me he loved me and said he didn’t want this blip to change things. But there was something else too — he’d caught chlamydia so now I might have it too.
I can’t talk to my family about this as it’s so humiliating. He says he loves me and I don’t doubt that — but am I enough for him?
Now everyone knows about the pregnancy, how can I terminate it and leave him?
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DEIDRE SAYS: This betrayal, at a time when you are vulnerable, will have left you extremely hurt.
But first you need to deal with the practicalities and get tested to find out if he has passed on this STI to you. Talk to your doctor urgently – this is very important as you are pregnant.
Think long and hard about having a termination. If you go ahead this may be something you would live to regret. You’ve wanted a child for so long.
He has hurt you deeply so let him grovel and beg for forgiveness. You can call the shots now and decide if and when you are ready to get your relationship back on track.
If you don’t feel you can talk to any friends or family, speaking to someone impartial will help.
I am sending you my support pack on how counselling works and which will explain more.
Whether you go separately or as a couple, your husband does need to understand why he was unfaithful to you. Only then can you work out if you can forgive him and move on.
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