DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been thinking of leaving my husband for years and only a great friends-with-benefits thing is keeping me sane.
My husband and I are both 48. He is a hard-working man but is very tough going as well.
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He wants his own way all the time and he isn’t respectful to me.
He was hard on our boys from when they were little. He was very short-tempered and never allowed for the fact that they were young.
That caused endless arguments between us which, of course, he always won.
Loads of times I’ve nearly walked out but then I tell myself he can’t help the way he is and I feel I can’t walk away.
One time I was so angry that I stormed off to have a night out with a friend. We were having a drink in the pub when an old friend from school and his mate wandered in.
We all got on well and were having a laugh. It turned into one of those nights you don’t want to end.
We went back to my friend’s house and carried on knocking back the drinks.
I was soon cuddled up with the mate of our friend.
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He wasn’t romantic exactly but he did make me feel wanted at last and we ended the night by having sex on the floor.
That was eight years ago and we’ve stayed friends with benefits.
In spite of the fact he is 49 and married with kids, we meet up for sex as often as we can.
Obviously we haven’t been able to since the lockdown but I’ve been thinking about him.
He has a great sense of humour as well as being pretty good in bed.
My children have both now left home and my marriage has got even worse.
The lockdown has made life at home absolute torture.
I’m fed up with being put down and insulted by him.
I know we won’t be shut in like this for ever but I don’t want to be walking on eggshells like this for the rest of my life.
DEIDRE SAYS: I don’t blame you.
I know this is hard but it is time to face up to your husband and tell him you have had enough and won’t keep on living this way.
The way he behaves might be down to his past and I agree he won’t find it easy to change – but you don’t have to accept it.
This is a good time to tell him you want to be treated much better or you won’t be there to care for him.
Do you feel on some level you are not worthy of love and respect?
Your own early years might be playing a part in why you have stayed so long.
Were you loved and looked after when you were a child? Or were you used to being ignored or put down?
Read my e-leaflet Raising Self-Esteem and don’t be distracted from sorting this out by that sex on the side.
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