DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE to hear stories about how often my girlfriend pleasures herself and who she thinks about while she is doing it.
I find it boring when she says it is me – and a turn-on when it is anyone else.
We are American but I have been working in the UK for a year. I am 28 and my girlfriend is 26. She lives in New York. I asked her whether she ever thinks of any of my friends back home when she pleasures herself.
She was embarrassed and did not want to answer but I got it out of her. It was such a turn-on. I often now fantasise about my best mate and her having sex. I also imagine myself being with him when I think about me and my girlfriend having sex.
I would really like my mate to have sex with her but my girlfriend is not totally keen on the idea. I know how I feel is not normal, but is it a problem?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It will be if you pressure her into going through with this.
She will almost certainly feel hurt that you would even think about her having sex with another man in reality.
Reassure her you love her and that your fantasies are only variations on a central theme, which is that you desire her and only her.
My e-leaflet Sexual Fantasies And You should help you accept that it generally does not matter what our fantasies are, as long as they stay just that – ideas in our head which we do not act out.
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