I'm sick of my boyfriend's abusive and controlling behaviour

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T take my boyfriend’s abusive and controlling behaviour any longer.

Yes, I love him but there are parts of his personality I hate.


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I’m a 37-year-old woman in a demanding job, while he’s 41 and divorced.

He loses his temper if I can’t see him and he takes it as a personal rejection if I don’t want sex.

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He doesn’t like it if I wear matching underwear which he feels isn’t for his benefit – and accuses me of having an affair if my phone pings to say I’ve got an email.

He’s ridiculous. This isn’t right, is it?

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DEIDRE SAYS: No, it is not right. He is using coercive control, which is a form of abuse.

Find a quiet moment to explain that his behaviour and paranoia are pushing you to your limit – and if this relationship is to survive, he has to change.

Give him a time limit – a month, say – and if things don’t improve, walk away.

You can find support through the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247).

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