I’m a flop in bed with my wife after having a steamy affair with a colleague – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE I’VE always been able to have fantastic sex with our company’s interior designer but now I’m a flop in bed with my wife.

I’m 45 and a site manager for a housing company.

I’ve been married for 20 years and love my wife very much, but she went off sex some years ago.

She’s 50 and was stressed out nursing her sick mother so sex just fell by the wayside.

The designer our company uses is a single woman of 35.

She’s lovely and we’ve become very close over the years because she’s so often working on the sites I’m managing.

We went out for a drink to celebrate the last of our latest homes being sold off-plan earlier in the year and both of us drank way too much.

I ordered a taxi to get us home and when we pulled up at her flat, she invited me in.

She started asking me about my wife and then things turned a bit sexual and I confessed I hadn’t had sex in two years.

She said, “I’d never let a marriage get into that state,” and with that she leaned forward and kissed me.


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I knew from her body language what she was offering. We went to her bedroom and had sex three times before I had to make my way home.

That was the start of our affair and we have sometimes been staying late and having sex in a site’s show home.

When work eased off because of Covid-19, I started spending more time at home.

My mother-in-law’s health had picked up and my wife was no longer so worried, so the stress seemed to be lifted.

I got into bed one evening and she came out of the bathroom in a silky nightie. She looked really sexy.

She said: “I’ve not treated you well lately. I want to make it up to you.”

She straddled me and asked me to make love to her but I was mortified — I just couldn’t do it.

She told me not to worry and we would try again but two nights later the same thing happened again. What’s wrong with me?

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DEIDRE SAYS: You know you haven’t got a physical problem but guilt over your affair, and anxiety you may be discovered, is probably dampening down your arousal.

It’s great that your wife wants to revive your sex life so why risk your marriage by cheating? Tell your lover you are going to keep your relationship professional from now on.

Take your time to get to know your wife intimately again, her body and what makes her feel good. You don’t need an erection to give her an orgasm.

Build up towards thoughts of sex with your wife by planning some romantic evenings, then focus on foreplay. My e-leaflet Solving Erection Problems should help.

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