DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD carefree sex for the first time in years with a woman I met on a dating site – but now my real love has dumped me and I feel so guilty.
I’m 41. I’ve been divorced for eight years and have two children and after some early bitterness following our break-up, I am in regular contact with my ex.
I used to pour out my troubles to a woman colleague. She is in a miserable marriage but wouldn’t leave her husband because of her two kids who are now teenagers.
We grew closer and eventually became lovers. She’s 39, very attractive and desirable. Any man would fancy her and she is a very loving woman.
I’m desperate for us to be a couple. She keeps telling me that one day she will leave her husband, but this has been going on for six years and my patience is wearing thin.
Last year I turned to dating sites and I have met up with three different women. Nothing much happened with the first two, but I started exchanging texts and emails with the third woman.
The texts were getting steamier and things were getting pretty hot so we arranged to meet up. She is 42.
We got together for a drink and the conversation was easy. I invited her back to my place — this was before lockdown — and we ended up having sex. She is amazing. Sex with her is so much fun and she loves trying different positions.
It felt great to be free of all the worry of my relationship with my married lover. I saw the dating site woman a few times but she got suspicious when she found a nightie my married lover had left at my place.
She got into my phone when I was in the shower and sent my married lover copies of our emails and texts. My married lover has now dumped me saying I cheated on her. She is so upset.
The other woman broke up with me too saying I am a double cheat. I can cope with that, but I love the married one and I don’t know what to do now.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a bit rich for your married lover to dump you for cheating when she’s been cheating on her husband for the past six years.
You must suspect deep down she never will leave her husband – at least not while she has the best of both worlds. She’s done you a favour ending this dead-end affair. It gives you the chance to break free from the deceit and move on.
Tell her you still love her and wouldn’t cheat if she would commit to you – but you’re through with being her backstop.
If she turns you down, move on and give yourself a chance in future to meet someone who is free to have a proper relationship.
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