At one point in the premiere, Chris — joking — exclaimed, “I’m having sex, just not with you!”
Was all the drama surrounding Angelina Pivarnick and Chris Larangeira’s wedding for nothing? That’s the question the stars of “Jersey Shore: Family Vacation” contemplated in the Season 4B premiere.
Pivarnick’s first year of marriage for tough for everyone in the cast, after Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Deena Nicole Cortese’s toast caused the group to split and Nicole to quit the show. During the premiere, it became apparent that the speech fallout wasn’t the only issue plaguing the newlyweds.
The episode began with Deena and JWoww — who made up with Pivarnick last season — visiting Angelina’s home. While there, they asked her about her sex life.
“My sex life is dog s—. It’s so f—ing ridiculous,” she said, before adding that the two didn’t even get it on while filming the previous season in Vegas. “It’s weird. It’s like we’ll fight and whoever starts the fight won’t wanna bang. So then you got, he don’t wanna bang, I don’t wanna bang, nobody wants to bang.”
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In a confessional, Angelina added that their “sex life is nonexistent at this moment” — before adding, “and honestly, I don’t know if we can get the spark back in our relationship and that’s not a good thing.”
When asked what the two argue about, she said the fights always come down to “who’s gonna be right” and nobody budging. “I’m not perfect, by all means. I’m not the most perfect wife ever, I literally yell at him, I’ll belittle him sometimes.” she admitted. “I feel like we’re both wrong. But see how I’m admitting it to you. He won’t f—ing ever admit he’s wrong.”
Later in the hour, Angelina’s costars started hearing “rumblings” about a possible split between her and her husband, after he posted on social media saying he wanted to get his tattoo of a “dirty little hamster” — her nickname — removed.
“This is insane, you can’t make this s— up,” exclaimed Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, before planning a virtual pizza party during which Angelina’s costars all planned to ask her what’s wrong.
“So you’re not divorced!” exclaimed Vinny Guadagnino when both Angelina and Chris appeared together for the call. “Let me check my hand,” Chris shot back, “the ring is on today, today we’re good.”
He also said he wanted to have the tattoo removed not because he was over his marriage, but because it’s “stupid.” He’s not wrong — the NSFW ink, which he got on the MTV reality show “How Far Is Tattoo Far” is beyond gross.
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After Angelina said Chris had “moved out like six times” during their few months of marriage, he admitted to sleeping at his mother’s place on more than one occasion. “The next step is out the door!” exclaimed Vinny. Chris then shouted, “I’m having sex, just not with you,” a comment which confused Mike and had JWoww adding, “That doesn’t seem like a joke.”
Following the virtual hang, Pauly D and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro agreed Chris and Angelina did not look happy during the call. “They haven’t been happy since the wedding,” said Ronnie.
“That marriage took a toll on everybody for one year. If that doesn’t last, all that was for nothing,” Pauly added, before the two joked that maybe Snooki would return for the “divorce party.”
Toward the end of the hour, headlines started popping up about Chris and Angelina unfollowing each other on social media, while she removed his last name from her bio. That prompted even more side-conversations between the rest of the cast members.
“Do you think they’re getting a divorce?” asked JWoww. “Definitely trouble in paradise over there,” added Vinny. Pauly, meanwhile, simply asked if he’d “have to DJ a divorce party soon.”
With Angelina refusing to answer any of their calls, The Situation became The Investigation — setting up his very own “murder board” in his basement looking into all the rumors of a split.
“I have to put all these pieces of the puzzle together,” he said into camera. “It seems like they’re having meme wars here and all signs point to a toxic relationship.”
While Mike’s moment was all in good fun, it does seem that there are some serious issues at hand. A preview for next week sees Angelina confiding in Sitch, telling him that she came home one day and Chris’ Christmas stocking was gone.
“I’m like in this house alone,” she adds.
See the drama unfold when “Jersey Shore: Family Vacation” airs Thursdays on MTV.
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