Clarkson's Farm: Jeremy Clarkson stars in Amazon Prime trailer
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Jeremy Clarkson, 61, has been building his dream home right at the centre of Diddly Squat Farm ever since his co-star’s James May and Richard Hammond decided to blow his old one up in an impressive, yet extremely dramatic stunt for The Grand Tour. Work began in 2019 right before Covid hit and he ran into problems almost immediately, but the presenter revealed he’s had a six month wait for items that he didn’t realise were in short supply…
It’s like the world can’t remember how it works!
In his latest column for The Sun, Jeremy wrote down his plight, completely flabbergasted at the fact there was a shortage of… curtains.
“Curtains? Nope,” he sighed.
“There’s a six-month wait for those too!”
But he jokingly added: “Still, at least I don’t need a new car — because there’s now a global shortage of semi- conductors, which means very few can be made.”
He continued: “It’s like the world can’t remember how it works.
“We’ve spent the last year or so home-schooling our kids and learning how to bake bread and now we’re back at work, we’ve all forgotten what it is we should be doing!”
With the house finally just about livable, Jeremy explained buying a sofa has never been such hard work.
And of course thanks to Covid, it was.
“I went last week to buy a sofa, imagining that there’d be no supply problem with cushions,” he wrote.
“But oh dear, how wrong I was. It turns out that there’s a nationwide shortage of feathers thanks to a supply problem with China.”
With the world’s events fuelling his sarcasm, he added: “The upshot is that soon I’ll move into my house where I shall spend the next two years sitting on the floor, reading old books by candlelight. And then using a ladder to go upstairs to bed.
“Unless there’s a ladder shortage as well. Which there probably is.”
But it wasn’t just home furnishings that have been difficult to get hold of.
A shortage of building supplies have meant many developments were put on hold for the foreseeable, with some only just resuming.
Jeremy revealed that his staircase is due to be installed but it’s not been possible to do because there’s a shortage of steel.
“The RSJs needed to hold it upright are still entombed in rock, several thousand feet beneath the hills outside Sheffield,” he rolled his eyes.
“Back in May, British Steel simply stopped taking orders for construction steel because they had no hope of fulfilling them. There was a similar problem last year with plaster.
“There’s a shortage of aggregates, too, because HS2 is consuming everything that can be supplied — and if you want some drainage, you are better off using pipes made of gold,” he scoffed.
“Because it’ll be cheaper than the plastic alternative.”
On a lighter note, there have been rumours that Amazon Prime video might be recomminssioning Clarkson’s Farm for series two, so he has that to look forward too.
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