THERE were many ways I pictured telling my family and friends that I was pregnant. None of them involved a video call on Zoom or the pregnant lady emoji on WhatsApp.
But when you have to break your big news during a global pandemic, these are kind of your only options. To say I’m shocked is an understatement.
Although we’d talked about becoming parents and had hoped it would happen this year, I’d only just come off the Pill, and had envisaged months of “trying” (a phrase I’ve always hated).
I suppose deep down I’d believed everything I’d heard about a woman’s fertility falling off a cliff at 35 as I am (clearly not true in my case) or that hormonal contraception can take a while to leave your system.
My boyfriend Guy was over the moon, but I felt more overwhelmed, thinking of all the things I’d wanted to achieve before becoming a mother, which were now off the cards, such as getting a motorbike licence and hiking Machu Picchu.
Although I’m well aware how annoying I must sound to anyone who has struggled or is currently struggling to get pregnant, there is something terrifying about it happening straight away.
If you’ve never been pregnant before and, let’s be honest here, haven’t always been super-careful, then I think you wonder if it’s
even possible for you to conceive.
But the pregnancy test, and all the ones I did after that to be sure, were unequivocal. It does feel very fast and that’s because, well, it is. Only a year ago I was single and still grieving the end of my marriage.
Now I’m living with someone new and expecting a baby, which shows just how quickly everything can change. Sometimes things that feel a long way off are actually just around the next corner.
Everybody says there’s no perfect time to get pregnant, but slap bang in the middle of a global pandemic is particularly weird. I feel cheated of all the milestones I’d expected during pregnancy – NCT classes, a baby shower, going on a babymoon.
When I saw our baby moving on the screen I was so transfixed, I forgot about the strange surroundings.
I know these are minor compared with what many people are going through right now.
When I got a text from the hospital telling me my midwife appointments will happen over the phone, and to attend scans alone, I was disappointed. It’s been a bit scary going into the hospital and seeing all the nurses and doctors in PPE.
But when I saw our baby moving on the screen I was so transfixed, I forgot about the strange surroundings.
Although I may not have been able to tell them in person, meeting up with my sister and then my dad for a socially distanced bump-showing has been exciting.
I have a few friends who are pregnant, too, and we’ve been able to share our anxieties about pregnant women being added to the vulnerable list, and the possibility of not being allowed our partners there when we go into labour.
I know that I’m lucky to be healthy, and although Guy is furloughed from his work as a production designer, I’ve been able to WFH. Everyone is navigating uncertainties right now, so we’re far from alone in that.
But there is one thing that is certain in this topsy-turvy world. All being well, our baby will be here in the autumn.
Although it’s not the pregnancy I expected, the lockdown has been a good lesson for me in relinquishing control, staying positive and being patient.
Which, from what I’ve heard, should come in pretty handy as a parent.
- Follow Kate on Instagram @katewillswrites.
This week I'm…
Wearing… YolkeThis loungewear label is perfect for floating around the house in (bump or no
Reading…Come As You Are
Emily Nagoski’s liberating insight into female sexuality is life-changing.
This luxury homeware store sells the best candles and tea towels. All the
important things, then.
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